WEARY AND WAITING FOR SPRING

My wife and I remain in Texas. We had planned to be in New Mexico by now, but the stresses of the late summer and early fall changed our plans. I had gallbladder surgery in late August and before I had a chance to heal completely my wife's mother in Kansas had a heart valve replacement/bypass that went awry. After a couple of months of small hopes and huge setbacks in the Intensive Care Unit in Salina, a stressful and likely unnecessary trip by ambulance to a rehab hospital in Nebraska and a long and stressful ambulance ride back to a hospice in Kansas a few days later, she died, not many miles from where she was born. My wife was with her through much of those two months and was with her on the morning she died. It was painful and exhausting. I spent several weeks in Kansas too. August, September, October. Through all of it our house in Austin remained for sale. At least once a week a realtor would call me in Kansas wanting to show it to potential buyers. No one made an offer. Meanwhile the economy trembled underfoot. By the time we returned to Austin weighed down with weariness and grief, selling the house seemed like one burden too many. Why would we sell the house we have called home for nearly 10 years even if it is in Texas? We took it off the market - at least until spring - and have spent the past few weeks letting ourselves feel at home again. It seems to be working. We chose to remain in Texas. We surprised ourselves. It is not a choice we ever imagined ourselves making under any circumstances. But here we are. Uneasy. Already waiting for spring.