A regular reader who works as a greeter at the local Poetry-R-Us superstore (a lonely job, I am sure) writes to ask:
Dear Untexan:
I just found out that notorious book publisher Judith Regan has been fired. Should I jump up and down, or just clap my hands?
Dear Poetry-R-Us:
Well, I think you should restrict yourself to simply clapping your hands for now. Regan -- publisher, editor, panderer -- was the brains behind the O.J. Simpson If I Did It book and TV interview that never happened (of course, with a guy who claimed he never did it there is some sort of karmic justice in that, I suppose). Nobody, especially nobody in the serious word-slinging business really knows what a publisher and an editor are (or do) these days, but there is no doubt about what Judith Regan did. She pandered. A panderer, in addition to being defined as “a go between in love intrigues” and a “pimp,” is “someone who caters to or exploits the weaknesses of others.” And Americans are nothing if not weak and waiting for our “basest emotions” (don’t blame me, blame the dictionary) to be catered to and exploited. Let’s face it: We live around people who really want to know if Britney had on any underwear (she didn’t) and whether or not Donald Trump would allow Miss U.S.A to keep her title (he did, she did). Regan made it her job to see how far she could exploit our weakness, and probably already had some deal in the works about Britney’s underwear when she was fired (just look at some of the literary giants in her stable of authors). She got away with How to Make Love Like a Porn Star by porn star Jenna Jameson (which I imagine being a process that begins with a camera and a roomful of people and the New York Times said should be subtitled “Making do with vacant eyes, stage moans, and anonymous co-stars.”). Blog queen Stephanie Klein is a ReganBooks author (of course). Knowing that up front would have explained how someone who writes like Klein could even get a publishing deal, a potential tv deal, etc. Now I understand. Klein is perfect Regan fodder – a complacent and complicit “writer” whose fans wait weakly to be exploited and catered to. These are Regan’s people. But Regan seems to have bottomed out with O.J. (not that it says a whole lot about our fellow Americans that Regan had to dive that deep to hit bottom, but then we are talking about the same people who elected George Bush twice). Then Regan got crossways with Rupert Murdoch and wouldn’t shut up about it. Then she might or might not have said unpleasant things about Jewish co-workers (the word “cabal” apparently came up) and she was out the door. There is also a row surrounding an upcoming "Mickey Mantle novel" under Regan's guidance. Personally, I think Judith Regan should be pulped along with her entire list of authors and as many of their readers as we can find. So clap, but don’t jump up and down until that happens. When it does, I will jump up and down with you. And as we leap, we will have poetry in our hearts.
Your Word Buddy,
The Untexan
