If I say, "Texas Gov. Rick Perry is a big dick" or "Karl Rove is a big dick" or "The history-censoring wingnuts of the curriculum committee of the Texas State Board of Education are a bunch of big dicks," people know I am describing aptitudes and attitudes, not penis sizes, and that I am not lying and that they can trust the truth and accuracy of what I am saying.
On the other hand, if I were to say, "Rick Perry HAS a big dick" or "Karl Rove HAS a big dick" or any other Texan HAS a big dick, people would know that there was a high probability that I was lying and that they should not trust anything I say because I don't know what the hell I am talking about.
And they would be correct.
In a new study of penis sizes, Texas ranks #35 among the 50 states. New Hampshire ranks #1. Wyoming ranks #50 (poor litle Dick Cheney). The best any Texas city can do is Dallas/Fort Worth at #20 (the lowest- ranking city on the list). New Orleans ranks #1. And for good measure, Blue States beat Red States
This is likely to be a terrible comedown in a state where size matters as much as it does in Texas. The song says there are "miles and miles of Texas," but that tune probably should be changed to "inches and inches of Texas," (or "miles and miles of Texas - a few inches at a time") just to be on the safe side. In fact, lots of Texas probably should be revised downward. Maybe guys in Texas should adopt Bill Clinton's strategy and say it all depends on what the definition of "has" is. Bill said it all depended on what the definition of "is" is and it helped keep him from being impeached. And maybe it will help Texas guys from being impugned.
I knew there was a reason I've never felt at home in Texas.